The love goes down …

I have been quiet for a little while here on the blog. And just this week I have realised I have been quiet within myself, for some months now. Not really myself. Not seeking company. Wintering if you like within. Not cold and frosty, just cat-like content within the walls of my own quiet hearth.

I’ve just had an operation, a hysterectomy, and I’m home today. And all is well.

I’ve been debating whether to even share this latest here and now with you.

view from st vincents paddington

I had five nights in hospital in Sydney doped up on Endone and other lovely drugs until the penultimate day when I refused all heavy meds just to get a real sense of how my hurts were truly traveling. I woke in the middle of the night and for the first time all week, the chatter of work and day to day worries had returned. We talk a lot about being mindful but I realised how utterly blissful it had been to be mind-less for those few days. How long has it been since you have had the headspace to read a page turning novel? How long since you have had regular day-time sleeps or just sat and stared out a window at a late afternoon lightening storm? Or woken early and watched the sun rise, the whole beautiful show from pink to blue?

Happy to be out the other side.

Happy just to be.

To be.

Here.

In a week of quiet reflection I was thinking about when my mum had a hysterectomy many years ago, experienced through semi-whispered conversations at some vague moment in my teenage years. And those of my family and close friends who have since been through it or some different, even scarier challenge. And how, on reflection, I wasn’t really there for any of them. Concerned yes but there? Really? Sympathetic? Empathatic? Understanding? In the deepest closest way? I would have to say no. I was on the sideline rooting for them. But that’s different to being on the playing field – with them – part of the same team.

It got me thinking that life is a series of clubs.

I am now part of The Hysterectomy Club.

At different points along the way we suddenly find ourselves admitted to a new club and set out on a whole new round of figuring out what the hell is happening.

I’m thinking about The Pregnancy Club when the line turns blue and suddenly everywhere you turn you see babies and mothers pushing prams. Or the Pelvic Floor and Everything Post Birth Club that no-one ever talked about because if they did you would probably never get pregnant in the first place. I’m thinking about The Being Bullied at School Club, The I Will Never Have Children Club, The Parents of ‘Adventurous’ Teenagers Club, The Breast Cancer Survivor Club, The Divorced Club, The Friends Who Have Lost Friends Club, The Losing Your Partner Club, The Gone Broke Club, The Club of Broken Hearts, The Dicky Thyroid Club, The Children Who Have Lost Their Parents Club. The list – as life randomly throws its best curveballs at us – is endless. I know you will have memberships of your own.

I have a glamorous 80-something year old friend Lorraine who has a favourite saying: “The love goes down.” Until this week I’ve never really understood what she meant. But all of a sudden I get it.

I wasn’t anywhere near the playing field for my mum or older sisters or friends. But they have variously been there for me. When I became a part of the same club, the love flowed down.

Just as when my daughter and son or nieces or nephews or younger friends will face their own similar challenges in the future. The love will flow down.

It’s not that as youngies we don’t care. We just haven’t lived some things yet and until you live them, no matter how hard you might try to empathise, you just can’t know.

Have I crossed a threshold? This week I realised I’m a card carrying member of more clubs than I’d care to count. It comes with getting older. But you know what, it’s not a bad thing, it’s a bloody beautiful thing. This whole getting older business, this getting of wisdom – not buying it, not stumbling on it, not winning it – this getting of wisdom is the gift we receive for having lived through all the trials and tribulations of life.

Have I crossed a threshold? I dunno.

I still feel like a 24 year old in my head.

Then again, it could just be an Endone flashback 😉

xx

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    26 Comments

    1. Posted 10 December 2014 at 6:33 pm | Permalink

      Hi Marg, Sorry to read you have added another club to your list. I have a few club memberships as well, and you’re right it’s not a bad thing. But yes it means we must be getting older but hopefully wiser with it, despite our inner 25 year old selves.
      Take care of yourself and take time to heal. Have a happy restful Christmas .
      Gillian x

      • Marg
        Posted 10 December 2014 at 8:57 pm | Permalink

        Ah I’m sure there’ll be more to come Gillian 🙂 Thanks for the thoughts. It’s so good to be home and we will all be taking it easy towards and after Christmas. Love to you and yours in NZ xx

    2. Cheryl in France
      Posted 10 December 2014 at 7:31 pm | Permalink

      wow. just wow. from start to end- grabbed me from ‘have you ever had time to be mindLESS’ all the way to the end! I don’t remember how I found your blog (Marcella Hazan and an apron?), but I am glad I subscribed. Merry Christmas!

      • Marg
        Posted 10 December 2014 at 8:59 pm | Permalink

        Well however you found your way here Cheryl, it’s lovely to have you. Merry Christmas to you to you and thanks so much for subscribing. I hope you enjoy it xx

    3. Posted 10 December 2014 at 9:00 pm | Permalink

      Oh Miss Marg, I’m sorry to hear you’ve had to go through this. I just want you to know that I’m sending you good wishes and virtual hugs. I’m guessing you were in St Vincent’s based on your gorgeous image. Take care.

      • Marg
        Posted 10 December 2014 at 9:05 pm | Permalink

        I’m in great shape Libby. Good wishes and virtual hugs received thank you. And thank you too for the lovely shout out on the decor8.com site. I was wondering where all this traffic was coming from and there was your link to the blog. Really appreciate it. And yes, in Vinnies. The nursing staff there were gorgeous, an international lineup of stellar carers from South Africa, Nepal, The Philippines and Ireland as well as some home grown girls.

    4. Harrie Fasher
      Posted 11 December 2014 at 7:40 am | Permalink

      Dear one

      My love flows down the mountain to you X

      big love XXH

      • Marg
        Posted 11 December 2014 at 9:53 am | Permalink

        Thanks Haz xo

    5. Lisa Chiodo
      Posted 11 December 2014 at 7:51 am | Permalink

      Marg this is just beautiful from start to end, yes it’s been a while since I have felt peaceful, I seem to live my days longing for that very thing.

      I am a member of a number of clubs, and your saying the love flows down is so true. Recently a friend I hadn’t seen in many years almost lost her baby son and I was able to reconnect with her in a deep and profound way that other closer friend weren’t able to do. It’s a empathy that I would rather never have but something I can now sense in others.

      sending love and hoping you are all recovered, and enjoy a wonderful Christmas xxx

      • Marg
        Posted 11 December 2014 at 10:02 am | Permalink

        I have had a few people in the back of my mind writing this post Lisa and you were one of them. You’re right. There are some clubs you would rather never find yourself a part of but as you’ve discovered maybe your own experience serves to help someone else in the depths of it. Hug those close to you. Take some time out to stare at those mountains and soak up the beautiful natural world around you. Hope the renos are going well and winter isn’t getting you down. Think back to where you were last year and realise how far you’ve come. Did you have windows last winter 🙂 ? love to the clan xx

    6. Simon Ramsey
      Posted 11 December 2014 at 8:04 am | Permalink

      Oh Marg’,
      You are a truly inspirational person.
      I love the way you face life,
      Are enriched and not diminished,
      I am on the sidelines CHEERING
      And although I can’t belong to this particular club,
      I am with you, getting older.
      Not just suffering it, not just better than the alternative, but IN it!
      IN it! IN It!

      • Marg
        Posted 11 December 2014 at 10:07 am | Permalink

        As I was saying to Lisa in the previous comment Simon there are some clubs you wouldn’t wish to be a part of. And after I wrote this I was thinking sometimes all you need is a few cheers from the sideline. It’s all about our shared humanity hey. Thanks my friend. Love to you and Waz and the boys for Chrissy. Hope to see you early in ’15 xx

    7. Posted 11 December 2014 at 9:01 am | Permalink

      Hi Marg thank you for this post – a confirmation of a conversatin I had the other day about getting older and wiser (hopefully) with age… being more selective about things and friends… not being afraid to speak up… being comfortable with walking away from toxic jobs/ situations/friendships which are so draining… and no longer afraid to say “no” and now it’s “me time”. And I think it only comes with a wallet-full of memberships. Mine is chock-a-block and it feels ok! Welcome and enjoy the journey. It’s very refreshing. F xx
      PS the odd Nano Nap in the afternoon is also God send. Sometimes just 10 minutes is all that’s needed.

      • Marg
        Posted 11 December 2014 at 10:20 am | Permalink

        Don’t you worry I’ve been taking full advantage of Nano naps and Steve is keeping a watchful eye and spoiling me. 🙂 Glad it struck a chord Fran x

    8. Maggie McLaren
      Posted 11 December 2014 at 10:52 am | Permalink

      I love your posts even when you are writing about something confronting. Don’t always comment but I’m reading them. Keep it up please.
      I joined this particular club in my early 40’s too….well I don’t actually know how old you are but thinking around that. It takes a while to get over, not being able to drive a car for a while I found the most frustrating but for me it was the best thing ever, no more periods is a great bonus! I am 65 now and about to retire and have never felt better!! Rest up and with all your loved ones having to do all the work , I wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy Healthy New Year.

      • Marg
        Posted 11 December 2014 at 1:28 pm | Permalink

        So lovely to hear from you Maggie and delighted you continue to visit here. I feel like I’ve got my mojo back and have some nice plans ahead for 2015. You’ve made my day with your early 40s comment. Just add sugar and another decade haha. Thanks for the thoughts and I’ll look forward to hearing about those retirement plans. We never did have that coffee did we? We need to fix that. Warm wishes to you to for the festive season. Sending love your way, Marg.

    9. Posted 11 December 2014 at 1:10 pm | Permalink

      Yes, there is a definate sound of quietness about you. We need that sometimes I think. Especially when there has been an emotional change in our life. As for clubs…I can count Premi mum and C-Section Club and ChronicSleep deprivation club. …like peer support for your war wounds or something.

      I’m having a quiet moment myself. Revelling in the quiet before Christmas….and the few months of downtime before I have to find a part time job. 😮

      • Marg
        Posted 11 December 2014 at 1:27 pm | Permalink

        Exactly… peer support 🙂 Enjoy this time Andrea, as busy as it is with little ones. And have a lovely Christmas. And good luck with the job hunting when the time comes! And try to get some sleep 😉 xx

    10. Posted 11 December 2014 at 2:39 pm | Permalink

      Marg! Well I’m glad you are OK and Hogey is taking care of you.
      My Mom had an emergency hysterectomy when she was in her 40’s and then almost two years ago when my body was acting weird, I thought something was going wonky. Well yes, it was called a baby…at 46…which is it’s own hell dear Marg. My “old broads having babies” club creator/cause named Fiona bit my leg two days ago.
      I wish you so many warm and wonderful angel-watching eye-opening contentedness moments for the rest of the year.
      Love love love to you and yours from me and mine
      PS Your art needs to be bigger so I can gawk at it and feel like I have no talent.

      • Marg
        Posted 11 December 2014 at 3:12 pm | Permalink

        She will keep you young Shalagh haha That’s what I always said to my folks who had me 10 years after my sister lol.
        Click on the picture itself and it should come up big. I loaded it up at a pretty wide pixel size.
        Hugs back at you. M x

    11. Posted 12 December 2014 at 8:17 am | Permalink

      There is nothing like an enforced ‘rest’ to allow a moment for reflection. Beautifully expressed.

      • Marg
        Posted 12 December 2014 at 9:15 am | Permalink

        Thank you Mary. I think Bhutan has had an impact on me too …

    12. Posted 15 December 2014 at 3:57 pm | Permalink

      Me too. These last months have been a needful hibernation, a quiet return to myself, a silencing of too much noise so I could really think, really feel. Your post brought me to tears today, of recognition and understanding. Wishing you steady, thorough healing as you recover. XO

      • Marg
        Posted 15 December 2014 at 4:10 pm | Permalink

        I hope it helped Krista. Don’t like the thought of you in tears after visiting here 🙁 Take care hey. Thanks for the recovery wishes. Right back at you xoxox

        • Posted 15 December 2014 at 4:12 pm | Permalink

          They were good tears, I assure you. XO A friend and I were talking today about how comforting and healing it is to find someone with who you can say, “me too.” Your blog is always a “me too” place for me. 🙂

          • Marg
            Posted 15 December 2014 at 4:13 pm | Permalink

            Then all is well with the world 🙂 mwah xo

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