Sunday morning from the safety of home

backyard final

Sunday morning. A hint of autumn. Blue. Clear. The trickle of the fountain. Sitting under the filtered light of the grapevine and Tammy Wynette drifts over the fence from our neighbour’s.

“Stand by yerrrr mannnnnnnn…..”

Not what I’d pick but it’s surprisingly soothing so I am going with it.
Home is so damned comforting at times.

I’ve been thinking about fear a little bit lately because for the first time in my life I’ve been feeling a little bit frightened. I think it’s partly a post-op thing. Certainly a getting older thing. In the past, when I’ve looked to the future, there’s rarely been a cloud of fear on the horizon. Doubt yes, confusion plenty, but fear, not really. I didn’t see this coming but as I look ahead to the next 18 months – when Darce has finished school and Maddy has finished uni – and we are staring down the barrel of our own big plan to travel the Mediterranean, there are definitely little fears creeping in at the edges.

What if we one of us gets sick? What if the kids really need us? What if, what if …

It would be so easy not to go. Not to think about it.

“Jolene. Jolene. Jo-lene. Jo-lee-e-eeeene… I’m beggin’ of you please don’t take my man.”

The Middle East is such a mess at the moment it’s highly likely we’re going to have to skip a significant part of it. For now, I guess we just play it by ear, or, as one of our friends says to his young soccer team: “Just play what you can see fellas.”

But the fact is, we are getting to a point where we are no longer needed so much by the kids. This chapter of our lives is coming to an end and I have such mixed feelings about that.

Fear of failure.

That’s a different beast altogether. It’s such an intrinsic part of running your own business. I’d so hoped to get a piece on Bhutan printed. That’s why I’ve been holding back many of the photos. But after five weeks of doing a travel writing course with the Australian Writer’s Centre I’ve realised where I’ve gone wrong. And why National Geographic (among others) hasn’t been rushing to the phone. It’s the same message I took away from Carla Coulson – you’ve got to tailor your pieces for the publication you want to be featured in.

The interesting thing is, I’m not sure I actually want to tailor my writing at all. I love writing from the heart. I love writing here. And I’m not really sure I want to fit in.

Maybe sometimes you’ve got to work out what you don’t want to do, to work out what you do want to do.

Maybe sometimes you’ve got to fail, to work out how to fly.

keppel street bathurst

keppel street the naked bud

On a less fearful note, it’s been a great week. I’ve been back in my old comfort zone, spending Thursday and Friday on a shoot for Bathurst Council. We’re putting together some videos showcasing Bathurst. Big, long days but lots of fun, especially Friday which was spent with Australian actress and Bathurst’s Australia Day Ambassador, Paula Duncan. She’s fallen in love with Bathurst and given Council a day of her time to do some pieces to camera all around the city. A really good sport. Big thanks too to Brendan Cooper at Cooper Films. Couldn’t have done it without you Brendan. Here’s Paula, in ex-Australian Prime Minister (and Bathurst boy), Ben Chifley’s bathtub. Apparently he used to hold meetings here with local Councillors and constituents – men only (we are talking the late 40’s early 50s here). Fortunately they had things called flannels back then.

margaret hogan and paula duncan

So much on the horizon.

A big year for all of us.

A year of launches.

Just play what you can see.

Play what you can see…

“Well the note said Mrs Johnson you’re wearin’ your dresses way too high
It’s reported you’ve been drinkin’ and a runnin’ round with men and goin’ wild
And we don’t believe you oughta be a bringin’ up your little girl this way
And it was signed by the secretary Harper Valley pta…”

Give me strength. 😉

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    8 Comments

    1. Janeen O'Shea
      Posted 8 March 2015 at 6:58 pm | Permalink

      Ah one of your best yet Margie … “stewardess in a mini skirt, hippie in a leather shirt, starlet on her way to Naples, Rome” …. xxxx

      • Marg
        Posted 8 March 2015 at 9:27 pm | Permalink

        It took me a while but the penny just dropped … “LA Inter-nat-ional Airport, where the big jet engines roar.” Thankyou. Another one now stuck in my head 🙂

    2. Posted 8 March 2015 at 9:12 pm | Permalink

      “Play what you can see” – how I needed those words today. Thank you. I share your fear and uncertainty, several big changes are facing me in the next few months and I have no idea how to navigate them. I also share the relief of figuring out what you DON’T want to do. I have hope that the DO want to do will come when the time is right. 🙂

      • Marg
        Posted 8 March 2015 at 9:55 pm | Permalink

        Me too Krista. I’m sure you’ll find your way through it all. Play what you can see has become an oft used phrase in our house 🙂 x

    3. Posted 8 March 2015 at 10:16 pm | Permalink

      Oh love Play what you can See……trouble is I”m only playing in my mind and going round the bend with it all. And Oh I know I don’t want to fit in, thanks for reminding me xx

      • Marg
        Posted 9 March 2015 at 9:51 am | Permalink

        Ah I don’t know about that Lisa. You seem to be achieving much on your end. 🙂

    4. Posted 29 March 2015 at 8:30 pm | Permalink

      Play what you can see indeed. Remind me often. I keep wondering, hoping, planning, putting it out there that ART will be my primary income source one day. And I know that it’s a long way off, but how I’d love for it to get started now…just a little bit. As for the soundtrack, I don’t have Tammy Wynette, but I do have a penchant for Patsy Cline…

      • Marg
        Posted 30 March 2015 at 9:21 am | Permalink

        I love a bit of Patsy Cline too Andrea. Little by little. Don’t forget we’re a lot further down the track than you and I’m only just starting to see the possibilities.

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