#bestyearever

window

I went to the bedroom window this morning and opened the curtains and looked out on the street scene that I have looked out on most mornings for the past 22 years. It’s not an ugly street scene. It’s quite beautiful really. But it’s the same street scene.

It’s a drippy grey day. The colours are soft. The rusty ochres of the roofs across the road are greyed and dull. There is a For Sale sign opposite. We have seen that house sell three times now.

I turned 55 today and this milestone has smarted a bit more than others before it. Perhaps because 60 has suddenly appeared on the horizon, my horizon, not someone else’s and I’m damned if I know how it happened.

I’ve been a bit glum.

And a bit tired.

And a bit pissed off with the world of late.

A friend rang yesterday and said “I always get your birthday mixed up. Is it the 26th or the 28th.” I said “It’s the 29th but that’s ok, the family struggle with it too.” But I woke this morning to a text from Madz in NY and a note lying outside our bedroom door from Darce. It’s amazing how a few thoughtful words can turn your head around.

I went on to have a poignant conversation with my friend about relationships. We might all wish for a long relationship but they can be hard at times. That’s not a swipe at Steve. If it was, it could just as easily be a swipe at me. No, it’s just a truth, that when you’re in a relationship for a very long time be it as a wife, husband, lover, mother, father, sister, brother, child …  it can start to feel like it’s not worth opening the window curtains because you know exactly what’s on the other side.

But my friend, whose marriage has stumbled, reminded me how nice it is to wake up with someone next to you, reminded me of all the little things we might take for granted. And how much you miss them … him … her … when they’re not there.

lawn daisies

Steve and I talked last night. Not just about daily events and work and all the usual dross. We were standing at the kitchen bench looking through the windows at a backyard covered in lawn daisies. When we first bought the house there was a rectangle of corn in the centre of the garden with numerous dope plants flourishing within. “Do they come with it?” we asked. They didn’t.

We were thinking back to that moment, laughing and musing about everything that’s transpired over the however many years since.

We were talking about the future and what we really want from it, even if there’s not quite so much of it as there used to be.

Some of us may open our window curtains and look out on the streets of Paris or Rome or a turquoise coastline. Some of us may open our window curtains and look out on an ugly scene in an ugly suburb. Some of us may not have window curtains to open at all.

To be honest, I don’t think it matters where you are, I think at times, we all just dream of something different. Something that’s not the same.

I have another friend who follows the American celebrity astrologer, Susan Miller. “Well I don’t exactly follow her, but I do poke my head in once a month to see what she has to say.” She follows her haha.

She told me on the weekend that according to Susan Miller, Librans the world over, are about to experience their best year ever and it started last weekend. Steve’s a Libran. I’m a Libran. My friend is a Libran.

I think I might start not following Susan Miller too.

One of my nieces gave birth to a little girl today.

She already has a daughter Elizabeth.

I suggested it might be nice to have a Margaret. I mean, what are the chances!

They went with Abigail Rose.

I was gutted haha.

Welcome little one.

Welcome to this crazy, long ride that we all call life. I wonder what it has in store for you.

Sometimes you might not realise when someone’s running on empty. Everyone’s tank needs a little topping up now and then. Look around. Take notice.

I have yet another friend who makes a point of sending someone a handwritten note every day. I’m serious. Every day. And every so often, maybe a couple of times a year, I’m the recipient of one. It’s the simplest of gestures. It’s the loveliest of gestures. One arrived in the mail yesterday.

So 24 hours later, for all sorts of reasons, I don’t feel quite so glum.

Or quite so tired.

Or quite so pissed off with the world.

Little gestures. Little surprises. On the floor outside a bedroom door. Tucked under a pillow. Hidden in a lunchbox. Covered in lawn daisies.

#bestyearever?

Let’s pull back the curtains and see.

We’re going to give it a bloody good crack. xx

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    16 Comments

    1. Jane Armour
      Posted 30 September 2016 at 3:05 pm | Permalink

      Oh Marg – sitting in the office blubbing not because I’m sad but because that was so beautiful, from a fellow Libran!

      • Marg
        Posted 30 September 2016 at 3:08 pm | Permalink

        Ahh Jane xx #bestyeareverbaby!!

    2. Tracey
      Posted 30 September 2016 at 4:32 pm | Permalink

      I’m Feeling your words Marg. How is it 55 is just as confusing as 15? At least at 55 we can past and future in the same breath. Xxx Trace

      • Marg
        Posted 30 September 2016 at 4:40 pm | Permalink

        That we can.

    3. Janet
      Posted 30 September 2016 at 10:02 pm | Permalink

      Darling Marg. I love your honesty, you wrote so beautifully. It doesn’t matter where you wake up in the world, those feelings are universal. I feel so blessed to be able to travel the world. Although the trade off is terrible jet lag. And today I’ve burst into tears about a dozen times.
      I had an amazing couple of days in Tokyo, now I’m going through withdrawals. As my Mum always said..sleep on it…you’ll feel better tomorrow. I miss her terribly today. Your kids is so lucky to have you, how beautiful they sent you messages on your birthday. Lots of love M…hopefully see you soon. Jxx

      • Marg
        Posted 1 October 2016 at 8:24 am | Permalink

        Thanks Janet. You are blessed. In so many ways. You only have to visit Scrag Central to realise that haha xoxox I know that feeling with your mum. I call it missingness. This might make you cry too so be warned … Big love hon but my heart’s with you. And I’ve been ogling over those photos from Japan. The markets!! http://destinationhereandnow.com/2013/12/hey-mum-hey-dad/

        • Janet
          Posted 1 October 2016 at 10:56 pm | Permalink

          Yep…you did warn me! Thank you. About to call my Dad now. xxx

    4. Posted 1 October 2016 at 4:19 pm | Permalink

      Happy birthday, I’m following along a couple of years behind. I think the 50s are such a transition and you’re right in the middle of itthough, loads of laughs to be had yet. youthful. The 60s are still

      • Marg
        Posted 1 October 2016 at 9:33 pm | Permalink

        … looming? haha. Yes I know. It’s all good. Just been a bloody long winter lol. Thanks Seana.

    5. Sue Douglas
      Posted 3 October 2016 at 11:00 am | Permalink

      What a lovely blog Marg! Thanks for that one, it was very special 🙂

      • Marg
        Posted 3 October 2016 at 11:26 am | Permalink

        Wait till you see Susan Miller’s predictions for Librans in October Sue! Not that I’m following her or anything.

    6. Posted 4 October 2016 at 8:15 am | Permalink

      Snap! Lovely. I’m a Libran, and my partner is Steve, we’ve been together a long time now and I love looking up and down the street I live in and I’m tempted to declare this the #bestyearever

      • Marg
        Posted 4 October 2016 at 8:41 am | Permalink

        Check it out Tracy. Susan Miller Libra. It’s a little bit intoxicating 😉 And even if it’s complete shite it still makes you feel like anything’s possible and where’s the harm in that haha

    7. Posted 19 October 2016 at 1:52 pm | Permalink

      Huzzah to you Marg. I just turned 50. And it felt really good this year to me. My expectations were simple, to celebrate with my people. And several of them are Libras! No wonder I get you. Happy Birthday to you both and Many more!
      Love

      • Marg
        Posted 20 October 2016 at 10:57 am | Permalink

        And to you Shalagh. Have we only just worked out this??!

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